Funeral protocol
This guide to funeral etiquette answers some of the most commonly asked questions about conventional protocol when attending a funeral.
Fortunately, attending a funeral service is not a regular occurrence for most of us, and so it is not unusual for people to want to know what is commonly accepted etiquette, especially as many regions of the country have their own customs and culture. Do not hesitate to ask your funeral director if you have further questions.
Do I need to be invited to a funeral or can anyone attend?
A funeral service is open to anyone who has known the deceased. A funeral service is the opportunity for family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances to say goodbye.
Should I wear black?
Some people choose to wear black because they feel it is traditional. These days family and friends attend a funeral service dressed in a manner they feel comfortable. Most people attending the service knew the deceased so they usually know what he or she would have liked. It is important to be comfortable – churches and cemeteries can be very cold in winter.
Should ladies cover their heads or wear gloves?
Gloves are no longer required to be worn at funerals. At Roman Catholic funeral services, ladies usually cover their heads, and at Greek Orthodox ceremonies it is expected. Men at Jewish ceremonies cover their heads. In other circumstances it is advisable to only wear a hat if it is your normal practice to do so.
Do mourners enter the church or crematorium before or after the coffin?
When the funeral service is in a church, people usually arrive and take their place before the service starts and then stand when the coffin is bought in. At a crematorium, it is more common to enter after the close family, who immediately follow the coffin. If you do arrive at the church or crematorium early, leave the front seats for close family of the deceased. However, officials at the church or crematorium such as the minister or the funeral director will guide mourners accordingly.
Where should I sit?
The front rows are usually left for immediate family with other mourners seated behind. The next of kin traditionally sit at the end of the pew next to the coffin. If the church is very large, it is unlikely to be full and so there's no need to sit at the very back.
What happens at the very end of the service?
At the end of the service, the minister or official will leave the church or crematorium and the congregation should stand. At a church the coffin will be carried out. In a crematorium the coffin may remain on view or be hidden by a curtain. Next of kin and close family should leave first followed by other mourners.
